Have a Life That Works

 

One of the most important ways to maintain a sense of well being and live a life that works, is to keep finding new challenges, no matter how small. 

Anyone who has ever suffered from depression will know that there is often an overwhelming sense of stagnation with little hope that things can change.  When I am working with clients or students and I ask them “what would you like to change?”, most are able to name their goal as happiness, confidence, self-esteem; or they tell me that they would like to feel more in control of their life.

The interesting thing about these goals as they are usually expressed, is that they are fairly abstract. For as long as a person is stuck in the thought, “I just want to be happy” without further exploration of what that means, it’s just wishful thinking. 

In order to be able to move toward a goal of ‘happiness’ or ‘confidence’, it is important to understand what that means to you.  How will you know when you are happy?  For example, what will be different about the choices you make, or the way you communicate? Maybe you will find it easier to enjoy your job or perhaps you will make more time to enjoy being with the kids.  What will you be doing differently when you have more confidence?  Perhaps you would apply for that job or feel more relaxed about chatting to people.

When a person is suffering from depressive thoughts or anxieties, they generally feel as though there is a lack of satisfaction in life or that they have lost touch with their sense of purpose or meaning.  We all need to feel that our lives have meaning; it is one of our basic human needs.  If we consistently neglect our basic needs, it can result in a loss of motivation, a loss of meaning and emotional distress.  This is an open doorway to addiction and other emotional problems.

A good psychotherapist will not only help you to identify your missing needs but will encourage and support you in your efforts to set appropriate goals.

Before reading the information about goal setting, find out more about basic human needs

 

Goal Setting 

Having a clearly defined goal is like setting out on a journey with a good map with all the milestones marked out for you.  When you know where you are going, you can plan the route. Having a map not only helps you to identify progress, but also to notice when you have gone off course. 

If you have been feeling that things are out of control or that you are a bit lost, it can sometimes be too overwhelming to make big changes. Setting good goals will help you to break it down into manageable chunks.

Being able to set and achieve goals is a fantastic life skill.  By learning and using the skill of goal setting, we develop habits that lead to successful outcomes and lives that work.

 Maintaining a goal setting routine helps you to notice and enjoy your successes, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem at the time.  Noticing small successes allows you to spend time away from your problems and also improves your self-perception.

Before you begin to think about your goals, bear in mind that they should be SMART

Simple Measurable Achievable Realistic Timescaled

 

Simple – avoid complicated goals (for now)

Measurable – decide how you will know that you are making progress

Achievable – there’s no point deciding that you will climb Everest by Friday afternoon because the chances of that happening are quite slim.

Realistic – be realistic about what you can achieve, how and by when.  What are you able to influence and what is outside your control (for now)?

Timescaled – always set a time or date by which you will have achieved your goal (keeping in mind all of the above).  If you leave it too open ended you will just be making room for procrastination – which is when the goals is relegated to the realms of wishes.

Step 1             Define your reasons for wanting the outcome- build motivation.

Step 2             Define your SMART goal.

Step 3             Define the steps towards the outcome.

Step 4             Allow optimism – what have you got to lose?

 

If you would like to know more, or you would like help in establishing and achieving some goals, call to arrange an appointment.