Is it true to say that the most important thing for all of us, is to be able to feel as good as we can in every given moment?
Think about it. The material things that we desire, the experiences that we dream of having, the relationships we long for, the car, the job, the status, the perfect body, the health… we aspire to these things because we believe that having them will make us feel good.
It’s wonderful to aspire to making things better for yourself. When you are in a good frame of mind, it feels like fun to plan a trip or take up a new hobby or save up for a treat. Having goals and aspirations are basic needs and they are essential ingredients of emotional nutrition. However, when life gets you down, goals and aspirations often come from a deprivation or desperation state of mind.
It’s common that people inadvertently reduce their own ability to experience contentment or happiness because they become overly focused on their suffering. They pay too much attention to what is missing from their lives or to what isn’t working.
When people feel bad they look for something to help them change the feeling – so they focus on all the external factors that might be making them feel bad. The effort goes on trying to change what’s not right about their partner, job, finances, neighbours, possessions – but if these things can’t be changed, all they get for their effort is to feel cranky, depressed, frustrated, thwarted, victimised, deprived…. or even anxious.
Herein lays a trap because if you allow yourself to believe that you can only feel better if the external factors are changed, then you are putting your effort into changing the things that you have very little control over.
Often this approach to life is simply an habitual default pattern that can be changed. It is possible for people to learn ways of thinking, feeling and responding that can allow them to experience life with more ease and pleasure, regardless of their circumstances. When you create a healthier pattern of responding you will feel more in control of life.
We are each blessed with an ability to respond – a response-ability. When you are able to take responsibility for your response-ability, it ceases to be an autonomic reflex and becomes a tool for empowerment.
If you would like help to get you started, call me to discuss your situation. Let’s make a plan so that you can achieve a life that’s worth waking up for.
If my office is not near you, we can skype.